Today was hard. Actually, most of my days lately have been hard. I'm not sure why. I'm never sure why, really. Shit just happens. It just starts-magically-out of nowhere. I'll be trucking along, confident, secure, motivated, engaged. And then BAM! I have a panic attack. Or even worse is when there is no BAM! and I just slowly and miserably inch my way towards depression. That's when my anxiety really sucks. See, a panic attack is short lived and shortly forgotten. This other, though... daily worry, wringing my hands, constant nausea waiting for the next thing (ANYTHING) that has to be done. Leaving the house becomes more and more difficult until I almost become resentful because my husband won't make excuses for me and keep me home. I'm exhausted because I can't sleep for worrying about some stupid shit (like having to interact with other human beings at work or the store or at my mom's or anywhere that's outside of the comfort of my pajamas and living room)
That's where I'm at now. I'm inching. I feel it. My stomach feels it. My tear ducts certainly feel it.
I want off this ride.
I want to be normal.
I hate being normal.
I want to be manic.
Most days.....
~Jezzie
No comments:
Post a Comment